Dumb Politics 2009

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Who is Sarah Palin? A good question. A virtual unknown until she popped out of the cake at the Republican National Convention, she now apparently owns the country and the rest of us poor taxpayers are allowed to live here until she decides to either evict us, or fly over in her helicopter and put a bullet in our back. Many would like to make a decision one way or another regarding her candidacy, but there is so precious little real information around regarding her true positions and vision of the future. The McCain campaign has taken great pains to propagate the myth that is Sarah Palin and to keep the real Governor under wraps so to speak so as to avoid any gaffes or misstatements that might prove embarrassing or God forbid, funny; so far so good. She has provided only a little of the material necessary for the band of comics to make this contest fun. Even when she does acquiesce to lower the veil like Scheherazade and beguile the press with one of her 1001 tales, one almost expects her to answer every question with the ‘thanks but no thanks “answer she has patented while allegedly dealing with Congress. Does she have the right stuff or is it perhaps the other stuff she has? You know, the stuff that most politicians have in extraordinary amounts; the stuff for which you need hip boots.

With all the hullabaloo and codswallop surrounding the GOP Vice presidential candidate, it’s hard to tell just of what stuff she is made. So far she has stuck to the script provided to her by her party handlers and not let her pretty little head be bothered by any independent thought that might upset the McCain apple cart. One gets the impression that one should start every press release about Sarah Palin with the words “Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess.” We are not amused.

The so called “liberal media jerks “have been warned off her as well. Campbell Brown of that august group of reporters who actually try and get a question answered once in a while, was taken to task by Tucker Bounds, an inept McCain campaign spokesperson, (is this person truly the best they can do?) for asking for one example of how the Governor has commanded the Alaska National Guard. A question that Mr. Bounds was ill prepared to answer and though he might be a republican, all I could see were great big donkey ears sticking up out of his head because he behaved like a perfect jackass. He kept turning from the question before him and exploring that land of mendacity the McCain campaign has become infamous for in recent days. When Ms. Brown would not let Mr. Bounds off the hook and insisted on an answer to her perfectly legitimate question, Mr. Bounds attacked Ms. Brown by accusing her of being biased and attempting to attack and smear Governor Palin. When it became apparent that Bounds was not about to answer any questions about Governor Palin’s experience or any other question of substance about Governor Palin except the party line propaganda, the interview ended and Bounds left in a huff, or was it a minute and a huff. Actually a taxi not being good enough, he left in a town car. Later that day the McCain campaign canceled a planned interview with CNN’s Larry King claiming that they, the campaign, could not countenance Ms. Brown’s egregious behavior in an all out attack on Governor Palin and would no longer take part in the CNN interview process that day. Are they kidding! Not appearing on good old softball Larry King! Boy that sure is cutting off your nose to spite your face.

All the reporter did was have the temerity to ask a perfectly simple question about a fact that has been bandied about by the McCain people since Palin came aboard and that is “Can you tell me one decision that she made as commander in chief of the Alaska National Guard, just one?” Outrageous! How dare Campbell Brown actually expect an answer to such an obviously biased question! The next thing you know they’ll be asking the Governor what she actually intends to do if elected. God’s, holy trousers people! Obviously the McCain folks consider anyone attempting to ask any questions of Mr. McCain or Ms. Palin requiring a substantive answer is a stupid mean old poopy-head liberal!

With regard to Sarah Palin’s first open interview with the press, in the person of one Charlie Gibson of ABC news, she seems to have acquitted herself well. She even pronounced Iranian President Mahmoud Achmedinajad’s name without faltering. One has a vision of her being drilled in this by her instructor. Lets call him oh, say, Professor Higgins for want of a better name. The scene is in Professor Higgins study. Seated about are the venerable professor, his friend the Colonel, and Ms. Palin with her mouth filled with marbles.

Professor Higgins: “Its pronounced Ach-Ma-deen-a jad, you try it”

Governor Palin: “ Ak med- n- jid” “Och Mee din jid.”

Higgins: “No! No! No! No! Come girl! We open in Washington in January! You’ve got to get this right! Ach-Ma-deen-ah jad, Ach-Ma-deen-ah jad , try again.”

Governor Palin :“Ach-Ma-deen-ah jad.”

The Colonel: What did you say my dear?”

Governor Palin: “Ach-Ma-deen-a jad.”

The Colonel: “Henry, I think she’s got it! I think she’s got it!”

Governor Palin: “Ach-Ma-deen-ah jad.”

Professor Higgins: “By George she’s got it! She’s really got it!”

Governor Palin: “Ach-Ma-deen-ah jad.”

Professor Higgins: “Good Sarah. Now let me hear you say “The bombs on hand fall mainly on Iran.”

During the interview with Gibson she parroted the lines given to her by her instructors with some degree of competence and without the slightest indication of independent thought and only seemed to get into trouble once. That was when Charlie asked her the now infamous “Bush doctrine “question. Her face froze but the smile remained. Her eyes were suddenly transfixed and you could almost see the wheels turning very quickly. (Note to Governor Palin, don’t play poker for money; ever.) I have seen that look in actor’s eyes when they have gone up on (forgotten) their lines in mid scene. It signifies the edge of panic. Adrenalin is pumped into the blood stream. The mind races with thoughts of failure. “Bush Doctrine, Bush Doctrine, we don’t need no stinkin Bush Doctrine!” “Did Professor Higgins mention the Bush Doctrine?” “Oh God is this where I get the hook?” “I’m melting, melting.” “Oh you wicked wicked reporter!” “You’ve ruined my beautiful wickedness!” Then Gibson throws a lifeline. “You know the right of preemptive strike against a nation or enemy planning an attack on our nation.” says Gibson. “You’re out of the woods. You’re out of the dark. You’re out of the night. Step into the sun. Step into the light.” “Saved! Saved!” “Curfew shall not ring tonight!” “Oh Aunty Em. There’s no place like home.” The Governor then ad-libbed like a pro.

In all fairness to Ms. Palin, the Bush Doctrine question may well have been unfair to her in that she has little or no experience on the world stage and is apparently unfamiliar with the terminology used regularly by the press to describe at least one of the most important policy positions taken by the current administration. You know, those folks that have been in Washington for the last eight years and they are of the same party as McCain. Those folks that McCain and his team are going to sweep completely out and utterly change the way the government operates. Yea, those folks. After all, if you don’t read the newspapers or watch the news on TV, then you are just not going to know these things.

Ah well it remains to be seen if the Palin bubble will float or flop. Hopefully we will see at least one substantive interview with the candidate and the McCain campaign that will provide something other than hissy fits and the overwhelming urge by the candidates themselves to take their ball and go homeAnd she lived happily ever after?????